'Slain wife points accusing finger from the grave'

(CNN.com; 1/2/08)

If a slain wife points an accusing finger from the grave, and no one is in the graveyard to see it, is the alleged murderer actually guilty?

'Opinion: Clemens descends to hell'

(Washington Post; 12/14/07)

Well, I'm glad they clarified it was an op-ed piece. I would have thought Roger got his judgment early otherwise.

'Pig-brain mist suspected in workers' disease'

(AP; 12/10/07)

WTF?!? Seriously, this is the headline for which the acronym "WTF" was coined. Or rather, it should be.

'Naked men enter store, calmly buy Skittles'

(CNN.com; 12/5/07)

"Calmly." A single word puts this head in the perfect headline stratosphere. Hell, I get excited buying Skittles fully clothed. These guys are paragons of self control!

'SIUE students accused of burning man with hot cookies'

(State Journal-Register; 11/07/2007)

I love hot cookies -- particularly when they contain delicious, sensuously melting chocolate chips. That's why I was devastated when a co-worker pointed me in the direction of this headline.

I feel heartsick that something so wonderful, so pure, so perfect has now at least one link with violence. Now, I have to be on the lookout for similarly innocence-smashing headlines as "Area woman bludgeoned by puppy" or "Man suffers seizure while watching Milla Jovovich film."

Audience participation!

I received a couple of beauts from my some actual, real-live readers.

From Average Jane:
Giving 'Dry Town' New Meaning
(FoxNews.com, Nov. 1)

Sounds like the town in question needs a good lubin'!

***

And from Mrs. Z:
Hunter recovering after being shot by dog
(MSNBC.com; Oct. 30)

Perfect.

'Cheney says being Darth Vader not so bad'

(MSNBC.com; 11/1/07)

Bush, however, said to resent being Jar Jar.